Every one of my four India trips, since I came to this great country has been more so in anticipation of a respite, than a sunny vacation. Yet the conundrum during those visits has always been stark & real. Though the sinusoidal thoughts progressed with uneven frequency of wanting & not wanting to settle permanently in America, the desire for an uncomplicated life we all once knew in India was for certain. But with each passing year and trips back home, that picture gradually faded as I saw Bangalore changing.I never imagined how much things would change, once you leave your home town, let alone the country. Often, I have found myself frozen in time during those trips when Bangalore surprised me with such a ubiquitous western influence, pop culture, growing affluence, teens with jaw dropping attire & their bustling confidence. All in all during those visits, I always ended up envying many others who chose to stay back for their simple life and blissful innocence (or so I thought) and many of them unabashedly reflecting the same perpetual feeling towards me for being successful abroad (or so they thought!).
Those trips always used to start with an excitement of homecoming, & then to cultural enchantment with family & finally end with an uneasy feeling of permanence filled with incessant unanswered questions – 'to stay or not to stay'. Finally it took my two year old son to answer this dichotomy of 'to go or not to go', who always challenges himself with a big smile, every second he is growing up. Looking at him approach life with cheer despite its trials, I have come to learn that, aging does always happen with the loss of innocence and a silent struggle.
